Reaching out...

I hate the feeling of despair. I hate that sometimes I feel sorry for myself. I hate self doubt and insecurity. Most of all I hate that I'm quick to give up. 

My running has paid the price for my crazy summer. I caught myself thinking "what if I just stopped running?" I mean, I already proved I CAN run. I did my 5k (3 if you want to get technical) so why bother anymore. It's hard and painful and I'm having a really difficult time finding the motivation to push myself. I feel like I dedicate so much time and energy to the day to day that when it comes to other aspects of life... the "extras" like my running there's nothing left.

Last weekend I participated in the Military Challenge. It was a 5k with an obstacle course built in. I wasn't ready for it. I hadn't run "significant" amounts for a month before then and I wasn't in the right place mentally. In all honesty I didn't run the whole thing. I walked some of it. The running was the hardest part of the race. The obstacles weren't that bad at all. Some of them were actually fun. There was a big foam pit, and a giant slip and slide. The mud pits were really gross and smelled like poo. I was covered head to toe in mud. I got really discouraged during the race. Once I started to get discouraged I couldn't snap out of it. I was and am really disappointed in myself. I really wanted to run the whole thing. I am glad I did it and proud of myself for finishing. 

I came to some pretty humbling realizations about myself this summer. I'm going to put them out there with the thoughts that exposing them will help me confront them. 

1-I will do ANYTHING to help the ones I love. I will run myself ragged and give every fiber of my being to make sure my loved ones are taken care of. 

2-I make snap judgements about people. 

3-I can be very unforgiving. I hold grudges. 

4-I get overwhelmed really easily.

5-I don't have alot of patience. 

6-I'm really hard on people. 

7-I can get really caught up in my own head. 

8-I have zero willpower. 

9-I'm very stubborn. 

10-I don't like to be out of my comfort zone. 

So I'm reaching out and asking for help. I need some serious encouragement, positive energy, tough love, and motivation. I know the best motivation comes from within but I just don't have it in me right now. Thank you for listening to me. 

A long hiatus for a really good cause

Hello my friends!
It's been awhile and so much has happened. This summer has been insane. It's been a whirlwind of travel,weddings, drama, showers, travel, sickness, more travel, and delirious exhaustion. Where do I begin.

Trip1-Philadelphia
Trip2- Philadelphia
Trip3-Massachusetts
Trip4- Baltimore
Trip5-Massachusetts

In between trip 1 and 2 Matt was gone. He spent three weeks in Alaska. When he got home soon after we left for trip 3. We got a call that our nephew was having seizures so we rushed up to Massachusetts to try to help in any way we could. When we got home we had a (semi) normal week then the boys and I left for Baltimore. Matt couldn't go because he had to work. When I got back we decided to go back up to Massachusetts to help out some more. After we got back from trip 5 Matt left again for det. in Key West.

Where has all this craziness led me? To the long lineup of races I have scheduled for the summer. I should mention that during all the above mentioned traveling I ran a total of 4 times... That's it. And I still haven't run 4 miles yet. I had a 5k scheduled for last Saturday but I had to cancel because Matts leave date got changed. This Saturday I'm running a race/obstacle course called "The Military Challenge" It's a 5k with 10 (messy muddy) obstacles built in. I'm also scheduled for the "Mud Run" on August 13th. That's an 8k race/obstacle course and Wicked, Halloween weekend. That's a 10k.

I feel very unprepared. I was planning to be way further in my training then I am right now. I don't know how I'm going to be ready to run an 8k in just a couple of weeks. I ran today. It was brutal. I stuggled every step. But ya know what... I finished. And not once did I think of giving up. I pushed myself and after I felt exililerated.

I found a way to shut that damn voice up. To blare Disturbed on my Ipod as loud as my ears can take. That voice could've been offering me a million dollars and I didn't hear it! Those bittersweet sour patch kid emotions toward running came back today. As I was drenched in sweat, exhausted, I was also so high on pushing myself. My legs were screaming at me and at the same time I kept saying "just a few more minutes, another quarter mile" Challenging myself instead of giving up... that's a huge change.

I'm really looking forward to the race on Saturday. If you think of it and you're a praying type just say a quick prayer for me on Saturday morning. Alot of you know how out of character it is for me to willingly get muddy and run around in nature of all places. But there I will be; in nature, covered, I'm sure, head to toe in mud. I'll be smiling I know that. Because even if I come in dead last I will be able to say I did it. Even if I'm the absolute last person to cross the finish line I still will have crossed it. Nothing else matters.

Well hello! It's been awhile.

Confession time:
I haven't been running consistently like I said I was going to. Okay, i admitted it and now I feel better.

I ran a second 5k on May 21. Almost exactly a month apart, I ran the first one in 41:14, the second I ran in 36:58. A huge shout out to my friend Sara. The only reason my time improved so much because I was doing everything in my power to keep up with her. I'm signed up for Wicked. In 5 short months I will be running a 5k and I couldn't feel less ready. I ran today and felt like I was going to die. (shout out to my friend Jackie for cheering me on and encouraging me today!) I can feel a change in my brain though, instead of being discouraged by how hard it was I was really proud of myself for getting back out there. Instead of beating myself up I will take the difficulty and try to use it as motivation to improve.

I remember when I first started getting ready for the 5k. I felt like there was absolutely no way possible me, a former way too many a day smoker could possibly run that distance and not either collapse or die. The voice in my head told me every single day that I couldn't do it. That stupid voice was so powerful that I actually started to believe it. By some miracle I proved that voice and myself wrong.

I thought that the voice went away. I know now that it was just muted for a second and it's back. It's like the most annoying TV show on way too loud while you have a migraine and you can't find the remote.  It's telling me different things this time around. Instead of telling me "you can't do this" it's telling me "why bother? You already proved you can do it, the pain and hardwork aren't worth it" It's making crazy and today was my first day back. It's going to be a long road, and to be really honest I don't know if I'm up for it. I am scheduled to run tomorrow at 6am and I'm dreading and looking forward to it all at the same time.

The long term goal is 10k-6.2 miles. My short term goal is 4 miles. I want to be running 4 miles by the end of next week. I would really appreciate any good thoughts and prayers (specifically for strength and determination) on this new journey. I look forward to sharing it with you. :) Thanks for popping by my tiny little corner of the world and visiting with me for a few.
:) Smiles, Hugs, and always Love

Race Day

The race is over. I did it. I'm still in shock that it's all over.

"We got this" 

Race day was amazing. I can't explain the energy in the room. It's a mixture of excitement, nervousness, nauseu, and fear. At least, that's what I was feeling. I walked in and immediately felt like I could throw up. Thankfully all the girls from my stroller aerobics class formed a little group. It felt like it took forever for it to be time to go outside to start. When it was finally time I gave Matt and the boys a kiss and headed out.

I lined up with MaryClare and Sara. I started strong. I kept up with them for longer then I thought they would. Pretty soon I was on my own. My breathing was steady, and I was in a good stride. It's hard to not get discouraged. People were passing me but you just have to press on and keep going. I had to keep reminding myself that the time wasn't important. It didn't matter if people were passing me. It was my race and the only thing that mattered was what I was doing.

As I was nearing the finish line exhaustion took over. Just then I saw a big group of the girls from stroller aerobics waiting for me. There they were cheering me on. Leaving "no man behind" in a way. They gave me a second wind, one of the girls Diana left the sidelines and ran beside me cheering me on the whole way. The last hundred yards or so we sprinted and finished really strong. The feeling was amazing. I could've cried. Matt, Mason, and Ethan met me at the finish line and were cheering so loud. At that moment nothing else mattered. The heat, exhaustion, and soreness were the farthest thing from my mind. All that mattered in that moment was that I finished.

I've mentioned before that I learned alot on this journey. The biggest and most important lesson I learned is that it's so important to have people in your life who support you. It's an amazing feeling to achieve a goal but it's even more amazing having people there cheering you on when you do. I've ran three miles before the actual race. And when I did it was a great feeling, but nothing like running three miles on race day with my family and friends cheering me on. When you find the people in your life that are unconditionally there for you, love you, and support you cling to them. Always tell them how much they mean to you and never, ever take them for granted. Noone else matters.

I would like to thank everyone of you who encouraged me and were in my corner. The messages and comments on facebook and on my WW site was overwhelming. I have the most amazing friends and family. I am so blessed and I thank God for putting every one of you in my life. A very special thank you to my wonderful and amazing husband. I couldn't have done this without him. Yesterday he was amazing doing everything he could to make the morning relaxing and stress free. He is my biggest cheerleader and I'm so blessed to have him in my life.

So the race is over. I'm giving myself one day to relax. What did I do on my relaxing day? I registered for the Wicked 10k. Yeesh! On to the next goal! Thanks again! Love yas!

almost there

"Run like the person in front of you owes you money." (How funny is that) That is just one of the many pearls of wisdom I received regarding my race tomorrow.

Tomorrows race day. I'm so nervous. I'm excited too though. I didn't do any exercising today. I totally took the day off and went to the beach! I'm overwhelmed by the fact that I got to this point. If you would've asked me 8 weeks ago if I could imagine getting to this point the answer would be no. I still can't believe I'm here. I've come so far and learned so much.

I was getting really wigged out about the day coming. I wasn't sure where to go after. I've been working so hard and obsessing about it and pretty soon it will be over. Now what... well, I'll tell you. I'm going to sign up to run the "Wicked" 10k in October. From what I hear it's one of the biggest races in Virginia Beach for the whole year. People dress up in costumes and there's a huge party after the run on the beach. The party is sponsored by Blue Moon beer (mmmmm) I logged on to register and halfway through registration I chickened out. I telling you all this so you'll hold me accountable. If I don't post that I'm officially registered by next week yell at me, harass me, and annoy me until I do.

The thought of running a 10k is really, really scary. But ya know what... the 5k was scary too. And look where I am now. After going on this 8 week journey I can say with confidence that fear is not welcome in my life. When situations come up and they are unsettling I will look at it as a hurdle to get over not a monster to run away from. The world is a scary place. I'm scared of more things then I care to admit, but from now on I WILL NOT let fear get the best of me.

I am overwhelmed at the outpouring of support from my friends and family. I wish I had the confidence in myself that you guys have in me. When I look back at all the kind and encouraging words you've all shared with me it makes me really emotional. I am so blessed to have people in my life who truly support me. Who are unconditionally in my corner and are there to stay.

I can say with full confidence that I COULD NOT have done this without my amazing husband Matt. I can't get into everything he did to help me because I'm already starting to get choked up. I will though. He deserves to get a shoutout.

So tomorrow at 1130am I will be running my race. Any prayers, thoughts, and well wishes are greatly appreciated.

Really good quotes:
“Success isn't how far you got, but the distance you traveled from where you started.”

“Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.”


“Life’s battles don't always go to the strongest or fastest man, But sooner or later the man who wins is the fellow who thinks he can.”


"You have a choice. You can throw in the towel, or you can use it to wipe the sweat off of your face"


"It's very hard in the beginning to understand that the whole idea is not to beat the other runners. Eventually you learn that the competition is against the little voice inside you that wants you to quit."


"Aspire to be great instead of good, aspire to be remembered instead of forgotten, aspire to accompish what others have and have not done, aspire to be yourself and nothing else for when you strive to be yourself everything is limitless because you are not holding yourself to the limits of others." 


"To succeed you have to believe in something with such a passion that it becomes a reality."

shout outs and accountability

Today Erin held our stroller aerobics class at the track. She wanted us to do a trial run to get ready for the race. If you don't live here I gotta tell you.... it was a GORGEOUS day here in Virginia Beach. I ran in shorts and a tank top, and am happy to report that I got a little sun! Anyway, I ran a total of 3 miles and all in all the run wasn't too bad. My legs were really sore. Lesson learned it's not good to run four days in a row. I'm paying for it now as I type. My legs are killing me. (I'm taking a day off tomorrow.)

Shout outs to Perry, Sara, MaryClare, and CarolAnne. I can't even tell you how much your encouragement means to me. It honestly gets me through. 

Perry: Thanks for being my running buddy today. Your smile is so encouraging. Good job today! If you hadn't told me I never would've known you've never ran that far before. 

Sara, I'm anxious to be in the "raceday" moment. Thanks for being such a great friend. 

MC- WE CAN DO THIS. I'm so proud of you! You make it look effortless. (to be honest that makes me a little jealous) 

CarolAnne- Thanks for the constant encouragement and for teaching me the "labor room breathing" 

As I was running today I was starting to feel a little discouraged because I was so slow. Then like a lightnening bolt it hit me. It doesn't matter how fast or how far you go. It doesn't matter if people are passing you or if you're the last person to finish. The important thing is that you do it. The important thing is to put one foot in front of the other and when you feel like you can't go any more go one more lap.

In the last eight weeks I have pushed myself harder then I ever felt I could. It's not fun. But I'm addicted. I've been so consumed with not just this race, but this goal. Running gives me an opportunity to do something that's 100%  for me. Nobody benefits from all the energy I put into it like everything else in my life. If I fail I have no one to blame but myself. Running has kept me accountable to me.

F U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

F U: voice
F U: self doubt
F U: insecurity
F U: pain
F U: smoking
F U: wind

I got out and ran. I ran 3miles. The first lap was really hard but about halfway into my second lap my breathing got under control and I got into a good "flow." I started out shooting to run 4 miles but 5 laps in I knew I wasn't going to be able to do it. 8 laps in "the voice" got pretty loud. It kept trying to talk me into stopping early. It made me rationalize that technically I was on day 3 week 9 of Couch to 5k and I was only required to run for 30 minutes. That would've meant I only had to run for 5 minutes instead of 4 more laps. I got so angry. This voice is so annoying. I mean, I was so close and this stupid voice wanted me to stop!?!? Seriously?!?! I had enough. I'm so over this voice. I'm sick of sabotaging myself.

While I was doing a cool down lap it really hit me. I actually started a project and finished it. I'm notorious for starting all kinds of stuff and not finishing them. It was really overwhelming to have that sink in. I can't believe I got this far. 8 weeks ago I never imagined I would ever be at this point. I went from struggling to run for a minute and a half straight to being able to run for 3 miles.

My race is in a week. I still can't believe I can actually do this. That voice and go f itself!

Weekend recap

Here's an update on my weekend... 

Friday I went to stroller aerobics. A bunch of us from class (me included) were hoping that we would be at the track running to get ready for our race. Nope. Erin, my aerobics instructor, had us using the spin bikes instead. I tried going to a spin class once and HATED it. For some reason using the bikes at stroller aerobics isn't as bad though? I'm not sure why. Anyway after class me and some of my friends from class decided to go to the track and run. After an hour long vigorious aerobics class I got in 1.5 miles. Also a grand total of over 1,000 calories burned. (14 activity points for any of my WW friends reading) Not too shabby. 

Saturday was a completely different story. I woke up and really wanted to run. It was gray, cloudy and chilly out. Mason and Ethan were on the cusp of getting colds. Ethans poor little nose was so runny and Mason had no voice. I didn't want to bring them out in the icky weather. The gym where I go to stroller aerobics has a family room but of course they aren't open on the weekends so I would've had to take them to the track. I decided I wouldn't go unless Matt got home from work early enough. Fast forward 3 hours. I had to get out of the house. I was feeling very claustrophobic and had to get out. I rationalized that if I bundled the boys up in their sweatshirts they would be fine. Especially Mason because he would be running around. Packed my bag, bundled up the boys and off I went. I always seem to forget how windy it is at the track. I got there and set the boys up by the bleachers. I gave Ethan his snack, drink, and some toys. I went to put on my Ipod and dammit the battery was dead! I told myself that since I didn't want to have them out for very long it was a good idea to skip my warmup walk. BAD IDEA. I struggled the whole time. I suffered through my fisrt lap huffing and puffing. My heart was beating so hard and I couldn't get control of my breathing. I felt like my lungs were going to explode. When I got back to the bleachers Ethan was screaming. He was not digging being stuck in his stroller while Mason got to play. I grabbed the stroller and took him on my next lap with me. I never ran with the stroller. I still couldn't breathe properly and I just couldn't get into the "groove." Ethan calmed down for about 30 seconds during our lap together but then he had it. Just as we were almost ready to start the third lap he started crying again. I was so frustrated. I knew I was wrong for bringing them out, it was just the tiniest bit too chilly. I was mad at myself for that. On the verge of tears I parked the stroller and called Matt. Surprised he answered I told him about the difficult time I was having. By some miracle he was about to take lunch and said he would be right over and not to leave. Now... let me preface this next part of the story by saying that not many of you will disagree with this and that's fine. I am a firm believer that if my kids are crying as long as their basic needs are met and they're just having a rough time it's ok for them to cry a little bit. Ethan had everything he needed. Snack, drink, toys, clean dry diaper, and he was bundled up with a hood. His hands weren't cold he just wasn't happy in the stroller. I took off on my next lap. My breathing was still labored, my heart was still pounding and I still just couldn't get into it. I finished the lap then sat down on the bleachers. I started beating myself up about everything. I was mad that I drug the boys out and for what? For me to bring them all the way out there for nothing? I was pissed at myself for not toughing it out and pushing myself harder. At this point Matt was there and he gave me a pep talk and took occupied the boys for me so I could finish. I was trying so hard to not be a quitter but at that point I was so done. And through all this my legs started hurting really bad. I thought maybe if I stretched it would help. After stretching I took off on what would end up being my final lap. When I got back to the bleachers I was so done. Physically I could've gone longer but mentally I was done. I was frustrated, sad, and pissed off at myself. I beat myself up and it affected the rest of my day. I was in a funk and I couldn't pull myself out of it. I was so discouraged and no amount of reassurance from anyone could make it better. 

That brings us to today. It's been a day here. I have to go out and run today. Yesterday I was aiming to do four miles and I could only do 1. Today I WILL run those four miles. The second Matt gets home I'm going to the track I will stay there until my miles are ran. The fear, doubt, and self sabotage will not get the best of me. I would really appreciate some good run vibes sent my way today. And if you're a praying person some prayers for strength would be most appreciated. Thanks in advance. And a huge THANK YOU to my wonderful husband who's been so supportive of me achieving this goal. I'll report back later. 

Disbelief

Today is an unbelievable day. 

As most of you know I go to stroller aerobics on base Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. So today... I drove to the gym as normal to find out class was cancelled. A pipe burst in the gym and all classes for the day were cancelled. So a bunch of girls and I decided to go to the track and run. Most of the class is also running the 5k on the 20th. Soooooo we walk over to the track, got the kids settled, did a five minute warmup walk, then started running. 

I was running with my Ipod and at first it was really hard. I couldn't get my breathing under control and I couldn't get my stride down. The breathing is probably due to the years I wasted smoking. Everytime I run I regret every cigarette I've ever smoked. 3 miles at the track is 12 times around. Somewhere in there it started to feel a little easier. Then harder, then easier. Before I knew it I had 1 lap to go. Now technically the 5k is 3.1 miles. I decided that I was going to do another half a lap to get in the .1 mile. On the last lap, 3 miles down, .1 to go I'm running and I get to half the lap and realize I can keep going. So I do and in total I did 3.25 miles. WOOO HOOO! I ran 5k plus! I can't believe I did it. I could've cried I was so happy. Even now writing about it and rethinking it I can't believe I really did it. I'm a little in shock I think. 

I'm so glad the girls were there with me. I mean, they get it you know? And they were in the moment with me. I need to say these girls are amazing. They are so encouraging and were truly proud and happy for me when I finished. A very special shout out to my friend Sara. She ran the whole thing with me right next to me. (In reality I probably slowed her down alot) I can't talk while I run but she was there anyway. At any point I could look over at her and she'd smile, or give me a thumbs up or count down the laps with me. Thank you Sara for helping me get through and accomplishing this milestone. 

I'm so pumped up for my race! I can't wait. In exactly two weeks the race will be done. On to the next goal I guess. I'm all smiles today. :-) 

Seriously?! SERIOUSLY!?!?!?

I did it. I ran. I told "the voice" to go f itself and I left on my run. I felt like I was going to die the whole time and my legs felt like they could've fallen off. I couldn't get into a good flow today. I struggled with my breathing and couldn't get into my stride. I did it though. I ran through the pain and through the hardness.

I ran for a total of 30.5 minutes. That's the longest I've ever ran. I can't even explain the relief I felt when I was done. I was only required to run 28 minutes but I decided to push it.

Before I could even fully catch my breath I got in car to track my mileage. I was sure I did at least 3 miles. I was secretly hoping for more. I can't even explain the disappointment when I saw my mileage. 2.4! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!?!? I don't think I could've ran for another second. How am I going to run 3.1 miles? I've come far, but I'm disappointed.

Trying to overcome...

Today is week eight day three in my training. This time next week I will have completed the program. I cannot for the life of me work up the motivation to go for my run today. I always do this to myself. I get so close to something then I sabotage myself. "The voice" is deafening it's so loud today. "You can't do it", "it's too hard" SHUT THE F UP! I'm so sick of this stupid voice and I just want to hear some positive affirmations. I will not let "the voice" defeat me. I've come too far and worked too hard. I'll check in later and let you know how it goes.

The addiction.

I just finished week eight day two of couch to 5k. One more week and I've completed the program. My race is two weeks after I finish and I'm getting more and more nervous. "The voice" feeds off my nervousness. Tonight while I was running and in extreme pain it kept saying "if you can't do this how are you going to complete a 5K?" And nothing shuts this stupid voice up. I try to concentrate on my breathing, that doesn't work, I turn up the volume on my Ipod, that doesn't work. "The voice" just gets louder and louder.

Running is becoming a very odd addiction for me. I feel like if I'm not running I'm getting ready to run, recovering from a run, or thinking about running. Whenever I have a spare second I'm thinking of ways to control my breathing or a new way to stretch my legs. The weirdest thing about this addiction is I don't enjoy it. It's hard and painful.  Overcoming the pain is an addiction in and of itself. I run until my legs feel like they're going to fall off, I hate it the whole time, and then can't wait until the next time I go out.

I always have an amazing feeling of accomplishment after I finish running. I never, ever thought I would get this far. I remember weeks ago when I first started, huffing and puffing to run for three minutes. I know I've come a long way but I never feel like it's enough. Even if I run longer then I ever have I always find something negative to say about it.

Tonight "the voice" didn't apologize. In fact "the voice" is still in my head asking me if I think I can really do this? Will this ever get easier or am I just not a runner? When will I complete a run and feel amazing not because I finished but because I truly enjoyed myself?

1 month

I mentioned before in my previous post I started running eight weeks ago. I've been following the Couch to 5K program. I'm running my first race, a 5k on April 20th. I know to "real" runners a 5k isn't a big deal. For me though, this is huge. I've come a long way and I almost can't believe I'm so close to achieving this goal. The Couch to 5k (C25K) program is amazing. If any of you are wanting to start running I strongly recommend it.

On this eight week journey I've learned so much. Mostly about myself. I learned that if I could just shut the negative voice up in my head I could achieve so much. This voice has been both my enemy and my friend.  It's like a sour patch kid... sour then sweet. Before I go out to run it says "you can't do it." While I'm running it says "this is too hard, you need to stop." When I finally finish it says "I was wrong... I'm sorry." This voice gives me tough love on a level I've never experienced. It pushes me to prove it wrong and when I do the I can't even describe the feeling. This feeling alone is worth all the pain. It makes all the hard work worth it.

So in a month to the day I will be getting ready to leave for my race. I don't know what to expect. The race is on base so I don't think it's going to be organized like a civilian race. I know alot of people running the race and it should be helpful to have them there. I'm scared, nervous, and excited all at the same time.

I want to say thank you to everyone who's supporting me. And to those that aren't and are sending me negative energy please know that "the voice" is fielding all the negative and it's just helping me get better. So I guess thanks for that! I would appreciate any thoughts, prayers, and well wishes. You guys are amazing!

Introduction: I am I am not.

There are alot of things I'm not but I want to start with what I am. I am alot of things but I feel each one comes with an explanation.

I am Holly. I am not who you think I am.

I am a Navy wife: my husband is my best friend and my hero. He is the person who really gets me and has seen every single side of me. We've been through hell and back and are stronger for it. I am not a typical wife. I don't throw a party when my husband helps me with our children or the house. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate all he does and I understand there are men out there that don't do a quarter of what he does. My philosophy is if you're not prepared to do every thing that's required to take care of a child you shouldn't have one. I am a person who believes that while life in the Navy is crazy difficult it's also an adventure. I've gotten to do and see so many exciting things that if our family wasn't a Navy family we would've never gotten to do or see them. Being a Navy wife has made me strong. I am not a fan of the uncertain but It's getting easier to go with the flow.

I am a Mother to two of the most gorgeous boys on the planet. My children are amazing. They are strong, confident, and self sufficient.  I am not a pushover. No child is so cute that it keeps them from getting out of trouble when they do something wrong. Not even mine. No means no and consistency is the key.

I am a good friend. I am loyal and devoted to those deserving of my friendship. I am not going to waste time on people who don't understand that friendship is a two way street. I am blessed to say that the friends I have are the most wonderful people ever. I am so blessed to have them in my life.

I am painfully insecure. I second guess everything. I am not shy. I can hold my own in any situation but then will go home and agonize over it.

I've never been a confident person. I started running 8 weeks ago and the journey has been incredible. I've learned alot in the last 8 weeks and I decided to put the lessons I've learned out in the world.