Race Day

The race is over. I did it. I'm still in shock that it's all over.

"We got this" 

Race day was amazing. I can't explain the energy in the room. It's a mixture of excitement, nervousness, nauseu, and fear. At least, that's what I was feeling. I walked in and immediately felt like I could throw up. Thankfully all the girls from my stroller aerobics class formed a little group. It felt like it took forever for it to be time to go outside to start. When it was finally time I gave Matt and the boys a kiss and headed out.

I lined up with MaryClare and Sara. I started strong. I kept up with them for longer then I thought they would. Pretty soon I was on my own. My breathing was steady, and I was in a good stride. It's hard to not get discouraged. People were passing me but you just have to press on and keep going. I had to keep reminding myself that the time wasn't important. It didn't matter if people were passing me. It was my race and the only thing that mattered was what I was doing.

As I was nearing the finish line exhaustion took over. Just then I saw a big group of the girls from stroller aerobics waiting for me. There they were cheering me on. Leaving "no man behind" in a way. They gave me a second wind, one of the girls Diana left the sidelines and ran beside me cheering me on the whole way. The last hundred yards or so we sprinted and finished really strong. The feeling was amazing. I could've cried. Matt, Mason, and Ethan met me at the finish line and were cheering so loud. At that moment nothing else mattered. The heat, exhaustion, and soreness were the farthest thing from my mind. All that mattered in that moment was that I finished.

I've mentioned before that I learned alot on this journey. The biggest and most important lesson I learned is that it's so important to have people in your life who support you. It's an amazing feeling to achieve a goal but it's even more amazing having people there cheering you on when you do. I've ran three miles before the actual race. And when I did it was a great feeling, but nothing like running three miles on race day with my family and friends cheering me on. When you find the people in your life that are unconditionally there for you, love you, and support you cling to them. Always tell them how much they mean to you and never, ever take them for granted. Noone else matters.

I would like to thank everyone of you who encouraged me and were in my corner. The messages and comments on facebook and on my WW site was overwhelming. I have the most amazing friends and family. I am so blessed and I thank God for putting every one of you in my life. A very special thank you to my wonderful and amazing husband. I couldn't have done this without him. Yesterday he was amazing doing everything he could to make the morning relaxing and stress free. He is my biggest cheerleader and I'm so blessed to have him in my life.

So the race is over. I'm giving myself one day to relax. What did I do on my relaxing day? I registered for the Wicked 10k. Yeesh! On to the next goal! Thanks again! Love yas!

almost there

"Run like the person in front of you owes you money." (How funny is that) That is just one of the many pearls of wisdom I received regarding my race tomorrow.

Tomorrows race day. I'm so nervous. I'm excited too though. I didn't do any exercising today. I totally took the day off and went to the beach! I'm overwhelmed by the fact that I got to this point. If you would've asked me 8 weeks ago if I could imagine getting to this point the answer would be no. I still can't believe I'm here. I've come so far and learned so much.

I was getting really wigged out about the day coming. I wasn't sure where to go after. I've been working so hard and obsessing about it and pretty soon it will be over. Now what... well, I'll tell you. I'm going to sign up to run the "Wicked" 10k in October. From what I hear it's one of the biggest races in Virginia Beach for the whole year. People dress up in costumes and there's a huge party after the run on the beach. The party is sponsored by Blue Moon beer (mmmmm) I logged on to register and halfway through registration I chickened out. I telling you all this so you'll hold me accountable. If I don't post that I'm officially registered by next week yell at me, harass me, and annoy me until I do.

The thought of running a 10k is really, really scary. But ya know what... the 5k was scary too. And look where I am now. After going on this 8 week journey I can say with confidence that fear is not welcome in my life. When situations come up and they are unsettling I will look at it as a hurdle to get over not a monster to run away from. The world is a scary place. I'm scared of more things then I care to admit, but from now on I WILL NOT let fear get the best of me.

I am overwhelmed at the outpouring of support from my friends and family. I wish I had the confidence in myself that you guys have in me. When I look back at all the kind and encouraging words you've all shared with me it makes me really emotional. I am so blessed to have people in my life who truly support me. Who are unconditionally in my corner and are there to stay.

I can say with full confidence that I COULD NOT have done this without my amazing husband Matt. I can't get into everything he did to help me because I'm already starting to get choked up. I will though. He deserves to get a shoutout.

So tomorrow at 1130am I will be running my race. Any prayers, thoughts, and well wishes are greatly appreciated.

Really good quotes:
“Success isn't how far you got, but the distance you traveled from where you started.”

“Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.”


“Life’s battles don't always go to the strongest or fastest man, But sooner or later the man who wins is the fellow who thinks he can.”


"You have a choice. You can throw in the towel, or you can use it to wipe the sweat off of your face"


"It's very hard in the beginning to understand that the whole idea is not to beat the other runners. Eventually you learn that the competition is against the little voice inside you that wants you to quit."


"Aspire to be great instead of good, aspire to be remembered instead of forgotten, aspire to accompish what others have and have not done, aspire to be yourself and nothing else for when you strive to be yourself everything is limitless because you are not holding yourself to the limits of others." 


"To succeed you have to believe in something with such a passion that it becomes a reality."

shout outs and accountability

Today Erin held our stroller aerobics class at the track. She wanted us to do a trial run to get ready for the race. If you don't live here I gotta tell you.... it was a GORGEOUS day here in Virginia Beach. I ran in shorts and a tank top, and am happy to report that I got a little sun! Anyway, I ran a total of 3 miles and all in all the run wasn't too bad. My legs were really sore. Lesson learned it's not good to run four days in a row. I'm paying for it now as I type. My legs are killing me. (I'm taking a day off tomorrow.)

Shout outs to Perry, Sara, MaryClare, and CarolAnne. I can't even tell you how much your encouragement means to me. It honestly gets me through. 

Perry: Thanks for being my running buddy today. Your smile is so encouraging. Good job today! If you hadn't told me I never would've known you've never ran that far before. 

Sara, I'm anxious to be in the "raceday" moment. Thanks for being such a great friend. 

MC- WE CAN DO THIS. I'm so proud of you! You make it look effortless. (to be honest that makes me a little jealous) 

CarolAnne- Thanks for the constant encouragement and for teaching me the "labor room breathing" 

As I was running today I was starting to feel a little discouraged because I was so slow. Then like a lightnening bolt it hit me. It doesn't matter how fast or how far you go. It doesn't matter if people are passing you or if you're the last person to finish. The important thing is that you do it. The important thing is to put one foot in front of the other and when you feel like you can't go any more go one more lap.

In the last eight weeks I have pushed myself harder then I ever felt I could. It's not fun. But I'm addicted. I've been so consumed with not just this race, but this goal. Running gives me an opportunity to do something that's 100%  for me. Nobody benefits from all the energy I put into it like everything else in my life. If I fail I have no one to blame but myself. Running has kept me accountable to me.

F U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

F U: voice
F U: self doubt
F U: insecurity
F U: pain
F U: smoking
F U: wind

I got out and ran. I ran 3miles. The first lap was really hard but about halfway into my second lap my breathing got under control and I got into a good "flow." I started out shooting to run 4 miles but 5 laps in I knew I wasn't going to be able to do it. 8 laps in "the voice" got pretty loud. It kept trying to talk me into stopping early. It made me rationalize that technically I was on day 3 week 9 of Couch to 5k and I was only required to run for 30 minutes. That would've meant I only had to run for 5 minutes instead of 4 more laps. I got so angry. This voice is so annoying. I mean, I was so close and this stupid voice wanted me to stop!?!? Seriously?!?! I had enough. I'm so over this voice. I'm sick of sabotaging myself.

While I was doing a cool down lap it really hit me. I actually started a project and finished it. I'm notorious for starting all kinds of stuff and not finishing them. It was really overwhelming to have that sink in. I can't believe I got this far. 8 weeks ago I never imagined I would ever be at this point. I went from struggling to run for a minute and a half straight to being able to run for 3 miles.

My race is in a week. I still can't believe I can actually do this. That voice and go f itself!

Weekend recap

Here's an update on my weekend... 

Friday I went to stroller aerobics. A bunch of us from class (me included) were hoping that we would be at the track running to get ready for our race. Nope. Erin, my aerobics instructor, had us using the spin bikes instead. I tried going to a spin class once and HATED it. For some reason using the bikes at stroller aerobics isn't as bad though? I'm not sure why. Anyway after class me and some of my friends from class decided to go to the track and run. After an hour long vigorious aerobics class I got in 1.5 miles. Also a grand total of over 1,000 calories burned. (14 activity points for any of my WW friends reading) Not too shabby. 

Saturday was a completely different story. I woke up and really wanted to run. It was gray, cloudy and chilly out. Mason and Ethan were on the cusp of getting colds. Ethans poor little nose was so runny and Mason had no voice. I didn't want to bring them out in the icky weather. The gym where I go to stroller aerobics has a family room but of course they aren't open on the weekends so I would've had to take them to the track. I decided I wouldn't go unless Matt got home from work early enough. Fast forward 3 hours. I had to get out of the house. I was feeling very claustrophobic and had to get out. I rationalized that if I bundled the boys up in their sweatshirts they would be fine. Especially Mason because he would be running around. Packed my bag, bundled up the boys and off I went. I always seem to forget how windy it is at the track. I got there and set the boys up by the bleachers. I gave Ethan his snack, drink, and some toys. I went to put on my Ipod and dammit the battery was dead! I told myself that since I didn't want to have them out for very long it was a good idea to skip my warmup walk. BAD IDEA. I struggled the whole time. I suffered through my fisrt lap huffing and puffing. My heart was beating so hard and I couldn't get control of my breathing. I felt like my lungs were going to explode. When I got back to the bleachers Ethan was screaming. He was not digging being stuck in his stroller while Mason got to play. I grabbed the stroller and took him on my next lap with me. I never ran with the stroller. I still couldn't breathe properly and I just couldn't get into the "groove." Ethan calmed down for about 30 seconds during our lap together but then he had it. Just as we were almost ready to start the third lap he started crying again. I was so frustrated. I knew I was wrong for bringing them out, it was just the tiniest bit too chilly. I was mad at myself for that. On the verge of tears I parked the stroller and called Matt. Surprised he answered I told him about the difficult time I was having. By some miracle he was about to take lunch and said he would be right over and not to leave. Now... let me preface this next part of the story by saying that not many of you will disagree with this and that's fine. I am a firm believer that if my kids are crying as long as their basic needs are met and they're just having a rough time it's ok for them to cry a little bit. Ethan had everything he needed. Snack, drink, toys, clean dry diaper, and he was bundled up with a hood. His hands weren't cold he just wasn't happy in the stroller. I took off on my next lap. My breathing was still labored, my heart was still pounding and I still just couldn't get into it. I finished the lap then sat down on the bleachers. I started beating myself up about everything. I was mad that I drug the boys out and for what? For me to bring them all the way out there for nothing? I was pissed at myself for not toughing it out and pushing myself harder. At this point Matt was there and he gave me a pep talk and took occupied the boys for me so I could finish. I was trying so hard to not be a quitter but at that point I was so done. And through all this my legs started hurting really bad. I thought maybe if I stretched it would help. After stretching I took off on what would end up being my final lap. When I got back to the bleachers I was so done. Physically I could've gone longer but mentally I was done. I was frustrated, sad, and pissed off at myself. I beat myself up and it affected the rest of my day. I was in a funk and I couldn't pull myself out of it. I was so discouraged and no amount of reassurance from anyone could make it better. 

That brings us to today. It's been a day here. I have to go out and run today. Yesterday I was aiming to do four miles and I could only do 1. Today I WILL run those four miles. The second Matt gets home I'm going to the track I will stay there until my miles are ran. The fear, doubt, and self sabotage will not get the best of me. I would really appreciate some good run vibes sent my way today. And if you're a praying person some prayers for strength would be most appreciated. Thanks in advance. And a huge THANK YOU to my wonderful husband who's been so supportive of me achieving this goal. I'll report back later. 

Disbelief

Today is an unbelievable day. 

As most of you know I go to stroller aerobics on base Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. So today... I drove to the gym as normal to find out class was cancelled. A pipe burst in the gym and all classes for the day were cancelled. So a bunch of girls and I decided to go to the track and run. Most of the class is also running the 5k on the 20th. Soooooo we walk over to the track, got the kids settled, did a five minute warmup walk, then started running. 

I was running with my Ipod and at first it was really hard. I couldn't get my breathing under control and I couldn't get my stride down. The breathing is probably due to the years I wasted smoking. Everytime I run I regret every cigarette I've ever smoked. 3 miles at the track is 12 times around. Somewhere in there it started to feel a little easier. Then harder, then easier. Before I knew it I had 1 lap to go. Now technically the 5k is 3.1 miles. I decided that I was going to do another half a lap to get in the .1 mile. On the last lap, 3 miles down, .1 to go I'm running and I get to half the lap and realize I can keep going. So I do and in total I did 3.25 miles. WOOO HOOO! I ran 5k plus! I can't believe I did it. I could've cried I was so happy. Even now writing about it and rethinking it I can't believe I really did it. I'm a little in shock I think. 

I'm so glad the girls were there with me. I mean, they get it you know? And they were in the moment with me. I need to say these girls are amazing. They are so encouraging and were truly proud and happy for me when I finished. A very special shout out to my friend Sara. She ran the whole thing with me right next to me. (In reality I probably slowed her down alot) I can't talk while I run but she was there anyway. At any point I could look over at her and she'd smile, or give me a thumbs up or count down the laps with me. Thank you Sara for helping me get through and accomplishing this milestone. 

I'm so pumped up for my race! I can't wait. In exactly two weeks the race will be done. On to the next goal I guess. I'm all smiles today. :-) 

Seriously?! SERIOUSLY!?!?!?

I did it. I ran. I told "the voice" to go f itself and I left on my run. I felt like I was going to die the whole time and my legs felt like they could've fallen off. I couldn't get into a good flow today. I struggled with my breathing and couldn't get into my stride. I did it though. I ran through the pain and through the hardness.

I ran for a total of 30.5 minutes. That's the longest I've ever ran. I can't even explain the relief I felt when I was done. I was only required to run 28 minutes but I decided to push it.

Before I could even fully catch my breath I got in car to track my mileage. I was sure I did at least 3 miles. I was secretly hoping for more. I can't even explain the disappointment when I saw my mileage. 2.4! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!?!? I don't think I could've ran for another second. How am I going to run 3.1 miles? I've come far, but I'm disappointed.

Trying to overcome...

Today is week eight day three in my training. This time next week I will have completed the program. I cannot for the life of me work up the motivation to go for my run today. I always do this to myself. I get so close to something then I sabotage myself. "The voice" is deafening it's so loud today. "You can't do it", "it's too hard" SHUT THE F UP! I'm so sick of this stupid voice and I just want to hear some positive affirmations. I will not let "the voice" defeat me. I've come too far and worked too hard. I'll check in later and let you know how it goes.