Let's see. I think the thing I'm most proud of is that I've been very good at communicating lately. A huge fault of mine is that I push my feelings away until they become too overwhelming and I explode. It's not pretty. The people closest to me get the brunt of it. I'd say in the last month I've been really good about being really honest about how I'm feeling. If I'm mad, I say I'm mad, if I'm frustrated and overwhelmed I say it. If I'm feeling crazy for no apparent reason I say that too. Maybe the feeling is there for no specific reason but it doesn't make it any less valid. It's ok to be mad, or sad, or frustrated, or crazy. The key is how you deal with those feelings.
I've learned that you can't truly deal with how you're feeling (good or bad) unless you truly feel it. The way you do that is to own your feelings. You can't fully own your feelings if you're pushing them away. Pushing feelings away is saying you're not important enough to deal with what's going on inside you. I can tell you YOU are and I am.
I had a pretty life changing revelation about a month ago. If you know me well you know I'm most known for being happy, funny, and "always smiling." I think that I spent so long not communicating or sharing my feelings because I was afraid that if I'm not happy, funny, or smiling then people wouldn't like me. THAT IS WRONG. Actually, that's not wrong, but if it's right then I don't need those people in my life anyway. If people can't handle me when I'm down then they don't deserve me when I'm up. It's as simple as that.
So right now, Matts sleeping (as he should be cause he's on night shift), I'm trying to write and my house is in complete chaos. The boys are being really needy, asking me for stuff every two seconds that they are more then capable of getting themselves, the dogs are barking and being annoying, and I am frustrated! And you know what, it's ok. It's my own fault for trying to write now, instead of when the boys were napping but that doesn't change the fact that I'm frustrated. And it's ok.
Have an amazing Sunday! Thanks for popping into my little corner of the world. :)
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